15 January 2011

2011 is not my year...

Just beginning of the year, I fall sick and I though that was new house environment made it. However, many people also fall sick nowadays cause of the hot weather here. Well, think positively that not too bad… Nevertheless, things going worse, almost everyday in 2011 also not going well, making me can’t stop thinking what the hell happen to me!

I though… moved in new house with friends would be happy. Yea, for sure it is… but the God giving me something, and take back something else. This is seriously making upset nowadays… Sorry, Mel & Alice… I just can’t control it, I felt hopeless, helpless, sadness, dispirited and I do not know what to do. Why take away not others stuffs? Why must be take the most important thing away from me? Why…?

I know I am annoying and irritating sometime, but only for you. Why? Because I really cares about you a lots! You do know that. I just want to chat more with you, even one day one “Gud Night”, it does makes me very happy. However, wanted you to reply me a word it seems very hard to you. Ask yourself, did you treat me differently compare with yours other friends? If I did the same as what your friends do to you, you will just ignored my replied or feel irritated, but you will agree with what your friends said to you. This not only I said, I had observed it long time ago. I knew what kind of post you will reply, what kind of topic you are interested in, who status you mostly will comments to, etc... Just that when that kind of post, posted by me, you will watch it but never reply on it. Thats it!

Before you know I like you, we were so close to each other. We talk about everything, although Im not interested in, I still quietly and listen to you. Every time when you in bad mood, I also can cheer you up and make you happy. But now, wanted to make you happy is already not that easy to me anymore. Last time if I had made you angry, or you angry without any reason, I will be the one who said sorry and tried to cheer you up… but this time… I seriously couldn’t understand… I asked myself… If this time I never make apologies and just keep quiet, are we going to maintain this situation forever? You really won’t come and talk to me anymore? Well, if you are just my “normal friend”, I will said… let it be, never mind, I did nothing wrong. Now I couldn’t do that, I would die within a week if keep the situation like that. As a friend, I know I doing too much, more than a friend would do. And I know how much I did, it will just burdened you and you will never ever fall for me. But that is the only way will happen. 

You are  just like the song... One In a Million... How specials you are in my life...
That is why I likes you so much, and never give up easily. But if you ask me what so special about you, I would say "go in my heart and ask it".
Some words are kept in my heart so very long, I think I have never got the chances to say it out face to face. 

I hope... Time can reverse... I choose not to let you know the truth, and I just hide inside my heart. At least, only one person hurt instead of now involve some of the friends. I don't want them to be worried, but I just can't hide my emotional away...

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