愛程

凌晨三點鐘,突然有寫部落格的衝動...真的太久沒動,連自己的部落格link都不記得了!(還好沒把密碼之類的忘掉!!!)

這一路來...真的需要感激很多人;
我愛過的人當中,
有傷過我的人,被我傷害過人的;
有小我很多的,年紀差不多的,比我大很多很多的;
有我暗戀很久的,暗戀我很久的...
他們真令我學會了很多...很多...令本來天真幼稚的我,成熟過來(也許只有我這麼覺得 =x )
不怕說...喜歡過的人加上默默暗戀過的人,真的多不勝數...
也許看到這裡,別人會覺得我花心.也許...
可是,喜歡一個人有罪嗎?而且我喜歡那麼多個,有多少個是喜歡自己的?
沒有!!!
那難道要我死守一個沒有結果的愛情,默默的...傻傻的守候?
難道就沒有選擇的權利?
我守候過一個沒有結果的愛情兩年...到最後我得到什麼?
答案只有別人的不理不睬!不論你對他多麼的愛護...什麼狗屎垃圾!

ps:說到那個火就打起來... psps繼續~

當中:
傷得我最痛的那個人,也是年紀比我小很多的人.
他令我學會最多,
一對情侶,
不能每天都粘得太緊..這樣只會逼到對方對你反感.
不能對他太過的好,他會因為這樣而自大起來,覺得你沒有他不行.
他還令我的直覺變強,觀察力上升,而且不能太過放縱一個人.
還有做人不能太過無趣,每天粘在一起即想不到一點話題.還沒在一起的時候,話題多到聊都聊不完,每天通電話3-5個小時,可是為什麼在一起久了就連一點話題都找不到?
可是也因為我學會的,
我開始不敢太粘,也就被人覺得我不重視.
已經不會如何在對別人好,被人覺得我很黑心.
觀察力強,疑心也變種,想的自然也變多,信任度自然減少...
最後還學會說很多爛笑話~哈哈...

第二:
被我傷害過的人,也就是年紀差不多的人.
這是我最敷衍的一次愛情,我也很抱歉...
他令我學會了珍惜,對不起,拋棄了才學會如何珍惜.
不珍惜,也就沒有後悔可言...不論你怎麼道歉,錯過了就再也沒機會了.
他讓我體會到傷害我最痛的人對我的感覺,他對我太好,太粘...把我捧得太高,變得自大...
有些事情,不親身體驗是不會了解那感覺,學會用對方的角度去看.

第三:
我暗戀印象最深刻和暗戀我的人.
他們讓我學會人不能總是活在幻想當中,要會分哪些是真實的哪些是虛幻的.
要學會分,哪些是高不可攀的人,哪些是你怎麼努力也得不到的人.
你真的只能默默的,看著他,把他當成偶像的崇拜,這樣你會快樂些.
暗戀/明戀我的人,令我知道社會險惡..為了得到你而不折手段的說你好話,只要你為這些話而動心,就等於完蛋.他們不是為愛情而來,而是為樣子,為"性"而來...可悲吧?
他們令我學會了,不要輕信花言巧語,誰不會說?
多喝水啊~早點睡啊~照顧身體啊~你吃了沒啊~都是千篇一律的~
令我學會什麼?學到我也會花言巧語怎麼哄一個人上釣 =__="
但起碼我釣到,我不會輕言放棄!這是我最近學會的...哈哈...

第四:
令我覺得莫名其妙,被控制得很辛苦的人,也就是年紀比我大很多的人.
他令我知道,流下男兒淚是很容易騙得了一個人心軟的. xD
他其實也就是我所說的,別因一個人對你太好,就輕易相信的人.
一旦你上鉤,他之前所對你的好,都要回收...甚至連利息也一起計算.
對不起說一句,他對我很好...可是就被控制得很辛苦,我想做回我自己.
這裡我學會,喜歡一個人不是要改變他,而是喜歡他的全部.
你的愛人不是你的傀儡,一旦失去他想要的自由,他就會離你而去.
還有就是,如果你真的不是那麼喜歡對方,請儘早讓對方知道...最起碼雙方不用繼續那麼辛苦的繼續維持那段已經沒有愛的愛情.


第五:
我付出(不是金錢)過最多的暗戀對象,也就是挑戰自己(犯賤)的一個對象.
他就是令我最火大的一個人,也許還是在意,所以到目前都還控制不了自己的情緒.
他令我學會如果那個人還不是你的另一半,千千萬萬不要為了追求他而花那一分一毫!
那一定是不值得的!試想想,如果你用錢得到的愛情,很明顯他只在意你的錢(小禮物是okay啦),因為到最後你會發現,你正在把錢丟進淡水海!他一點都不會在乎的,如果她會喜歡你,你根本不用花一分錢,你還是能"搞定"他.
再來就是,當你很清楚知道自己很對方不可能的時候,請及時把自己的腳拔出來,不要越踩越深直到無法自拔的狀態.唯一的方法就是,盡可能少見(或不見)對方(這是對我自己有用的方法)
還有一點他真的令我找到我人生中重要的東西,就是"知己".
以前需要把事情埋在心裡,最起碼現在我有朋友能夠分享我的喜悅,這目前是我人生中最快樂的一件事~

不知不覺已寫了一小時半...是時候休息了 =_="

2011 is not my year...

Just beginning of the year, I fall sick and I though that was new house environment made it. However, many people also fall sick nowadays cause of the hot weather here. Well, think positively that not too bad… Nevertheless, things going worse, almost everyday in 2011 also not going well, making me can’t stop thinking what the hell happen to me!

I though… moved in new house with friends would be happy. Yea, for sure it is… but the God giving me something, and take back something else. This is seriously making upset nowadays… Sorry, Mel & Alice… I just can’t control it, I felt hopeless, helpless, sadness, dispirited and I do not know what to do. Why take away not others stuffs? Why must be take the most important thing away from me? Why…?

I know I am annoying and irritating sometime, but only for you. Why? Because I really cares about you a lots! You do know that. I just want to chat more with you, even one day one “Gud Night”, it does makes me very happy. However, wanted you to reply me a word it seems very hard to you. Ask yourself, did you treat me differently compare with yours other friends? If I did the same as what your friends do to you, you will just ignored my replied or feel irritated, but you will agree with what your friends said to you. This not only I said, I had observed it long time ago. I knew what kind of post you will reply, what kind of topic you are interested in, who status you mostly will comments to, etc... Just that when that kind of post, posted by me, you will watch it but never reply on it. Thats it!

Before you know I like you, we were so close to each other. We talk about everything, although Im not interested in, I still quietly and listen to you. Every time when you in bad mood, I also can cheer you up and make you happy. But now, wanted to make you happy is already not that easy to me anymore. Last time if I had made you angry, or you angry without any reason, I will be the one who said sorry and tried to cheer you up… but this time… I seriously couldn’t understand… I asked myself… If this time I never make apologies and just keep quiet, are we going to maintain this situation forever? You really won’t come and talk to me anymore? Well, if you are just my “normal friend”, I will said… let it be, never mind, I did nothing wrong. Now I couldn’t do that, I would die within a week if keep the situation like that. As a friend, I know I doing too much, more than a friend would do. And I know how much I did, it will just burdened you and you will never ever fall for me. But that is the only way will happen. 

You are  just like the song... One In a Million... How specials you are in my life...
That is why I likes you so much, and never give up easily. But if you ask me what so special about you, I would say "go in my heart and ask it".
Some words are kept in my heart so very long, I think I have never got the chances to say it out face to face. 

I hope... Time can reverse... I choose not to let you know the truth, and I just hide inside my heart. At least, only one person hurt instead of now involve some of the friends. I don't want them to be worried, but I just can't hide my emotional away...